I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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