I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
