you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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