a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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