I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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