these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
