She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize