I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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