My sheets look like a crime scene.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
