in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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