i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
