I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
