Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
