I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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