No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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