I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
