I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
