I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
zippers are such a cool invention
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
