i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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