You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
