Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize