You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
