i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
