Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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