Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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