if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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