i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
