i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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