did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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