never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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