I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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