just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize