just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
