I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
