You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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