is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
