don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
