Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
