my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
