I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
