felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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