i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
