How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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