i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
