Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My dick has a subreddit
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
