this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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