Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
