After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
