mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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