I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize