My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
