I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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