Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
