i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
