i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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