were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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