bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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