Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
