What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
