Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
