this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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