I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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