Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
