well most of my day revolves around power hour
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
