The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
