Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
