Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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