what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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