Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
