just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
