im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
