You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
operation harelip BJ is a go
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
