I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
