I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it glows. i had to have it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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